Wednesday, March 28, 2007


I was at the "M" where the Birdman works and I was working on an issue I got called over for. Well, I happened to glance out the window and at the fancy hotel next door there were two women who were getting ready to suntan next to the pool.

What came to my mind then has possibly jumped into yours before....

Why do people insist on tanning by the pool? Is the sun warmer by the pool? Will you not get as tanned while tanning on the grass or driveway?

Why people? Why?

Monday, March 26, 2007

Gotta Love Redneck Weekend

It was Redneck weekend on Comedy Central this past Sunday and I watched a good portion of it.

The Comedy Central Roast of Jeff Foxworthy- Hilarious...especially Larry the Cableguy..Just looking at him makes you laugh..Mostly everyone was making fun of The Jeff Foxworthy Show from back in the days that only lasted 1 season...I don't remember the other jokes.

Jeff Foxworthy in: Totally Committed- You might be a redneck if you go to a Family Reunion looking for a date...Niiiiice

The Blue Collar Comedy Tour Starring: Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, Ron White, and Bill Engvall. Funny stuff ending with the comics making fun of each others old photographs...One photo had Larry the Cable guy laying in bed with shorts on and a sheep looking scared in the bed next to him.

The Ron White Comedy Central Special: Didn't get to watch this special but saw the commercials..."When I was growing up all the cool kids had a Member's Only jacket". "Not me, I had an everyone is invited jacket".

And Finally, you can't have a redneck weekend without the least funniest movie of all time, Joe Dirt....

I so want to see Jeff Foxworthy do stand up but I'm afraid i'd be take the brunt of all jokes related to hispanics...or hispanics that look arabic

I'm skeedattling off now y'all

Friday, March 23, 2007

UFO Stories OPEN to the Public

France opens UFO files to public

Molly Moore in Paris
March 24, 2007

ON AN August day in 1967, two children tending their family's cows outside a French village reported seeing "four small black beings" fly from the ground and slip headfirst into a sphere that shot skyward in a flash of light and trail of sulfuric odours.

The alleged extraterrestrial sighting, described by the French government as "one of the most astonishing observed in France", is among 1600 UFO case files spanning the past 50 years that the country's space agency opened to the public for the first time on Thursday.

The decision by the National Centre for Space Studies to dump more than 100,000 pages of witness testimony, photos, film footage and audio tapes from its secret UFO archives onto its internet site,, for worldwide viewing is an unprecedented move among Western countries. Most consider such records matters of national security.

Within three hours of the first cases being posted on Thursday, the agency's web server crashed, overwhelmed by viewers seeking the first glimpses of the material. Over the next several months the agency will post it to enhance scientific research seeking to explain what the French Government calls "unexplained aerospace phenomena".

"The data we are releasing doesn't demonstrate the presence of extraterrestrial beings," said Jacques Patenet, head of the Group for the Study and Information on Unidentified Aerospace Phenomena, the agency's UFO investigative team. "But it doesn't demonstrate the impossibility of such presence either. The questions remain open."

He said that among the 1600 cases to be opened to the public, "a few dozen are very intriguing and can be called UFOs".

Most of the cases were found to be caused by atmospheric anomalies or mistaken perception of such things as aircraft lights, or to be hoaxes.

In the case of the two children, they said the UFO left "a strong sulfur odour after departure". They raced home in tears and their father summoned police who "noted the sulfur odour and the dried grass at the reported place where the sphere took off", the report said.

The investigators were impressed by the uniformity of detail provided by the children and other witnesses. "No rational explanation has been given to date of this exceptional meeting," the investigation concluded.

The Washington Post

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Rosetta Stoned

Alrighty, Then... Picture This If You Will...

10 to 2am, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes, in my "need-to-know" post, just outside of Area 51. Contemplating the whole "Chosen People" thingy, when a flaming stealth banana split the sky, like one would hope but never really expect to see in a place like this. Cutting right angle donuts on a dime and stopping right at my Birkenstocks, and me yelping... "Holy fucking shit..."
(Holy fucking shit... Holy fucking shit... Holy fucking shit...)

Then the X-Files being, looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of vanilla Chig Champa, did a slow-mo Matrix descent outta the butt end of the banana vessel, and hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw...... and my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip, and all I could think was: "I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin' pants."

So light in his way, like an apparition, that he had me crying out:

"Fuck me, it's gotta be the Deadhead Chemistry! The blotter got right on top of me, got me seein' E-muthafuckin'-T!!!"
And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose. He said, "You...... are the Chosen One, the One who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it, and a warning for those who do not."

Me. The Chosen One? They chose me!!! And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school!

You'd better... you'd better... you'd better... you'd better listen.

Then he looked right through me with somniferous almond eyes. Don't even know what that means, must remember to write it down. This is so real, like the time Dave floated away. See, my heart is pounding, 'coz this shit never happens to me.

I can't breathe right now! It was so real, like I woke up in Wonderland. All sorta terrifying, I don't wanna be all alone while I tell this story. And can anyone tell me, why y'all sound like Peanuts parents? Will I ever be coming down? This is so real. Finally, it's my lucky day. See, my heart is racing, 'coz this shit never happens to me. I can't breathe right now!

You believe me, don't you? Please believe what I've just said! See, the Dead ain't touring, and this wasn't all in my head. See, they took me by the hand and invited me right in. Then they showed me something I don't even know where to begin.

Strapped down to my bed.
Feet cold, eyes red.
I'm out of my head.
Am I alive? Am I dead?
Can't remember what they said.
God damn, shit the bed.

Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position. Such a heavy burden now to be the One. Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending, to write it down for all the world to see. But I forgot my pen. Shit the bed again... Typical.

Strapped down to my bed.
Feet cold, eyes red.
I'm out of my head.
Am I alive? Am I dead?
Sunkist, Sudafed, Gyroscopes and infrared won't help, I'm brain dead.
Can't remember what they said.
God damn, shit the bed.

I can't remember what they said to me. Can't remember what they said to make me out to be the hero. Can't remember what they said................... Bob, help me! Can't remember what they said........ We don't know, and we won't know. GOD DAMN, SHIT THE BED!!!